Practical Unmasking: Bottom-Up Processing and Releasing Self-Blame
Unmasking as a practice of self-acceptance for autistic and neurodivergent deep processors
Do you ever feel like your way of thinking is “too much” or misunderstood by others?
Do you notice yourself diving into details and patterns that others seem to overlook or dismiss?
Have you wondered why simple tasks can feel overwhelming, or why your deep attention sometimes creates tension with people around you?
This post is part of my ‘Practical Unmasking’ series. (Start here if you’re interested in learning more about unmasking.) It explores what it’s like to process the world from the bottom up, why that can feel at odds with top-down processing styles, and how unmasking can help you honor your natural cognitive style without shame. I share my personal experiences of deep processing, navigating misunderstandings, and finding safety, self-compassion, and community.
Through this reflection, you’ll gain insights into your own processing style and practical ways to observe, understand, and protect your energy. You might also discover tools to use in therapy, coaching, journaling, or group discussions to turn self-awareness into aligned, compassionate action.
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[Practical Unmasking: Bottom-Up Processing and Releasing Self-Blame]
When I tell stories, I tend to include a lot of detail. I want to give people the full picture, all the nuances that make an experience rich and meaningful. But I’ve learned that neurotypical people sometimes get impatient or think I’ve gone off on tangents. What they don’t see is that all those details connect in my mind. Every piece of information matters because it helps me make sense of how things fit together. This is one reflection of how my brain processes the world. The irritation others feel when I share too much context mirrors the broader tension between how I experience information and how others do.
For a long time, I couldn’t even observe my own thoughts without judgment. Anything that felt “abnormal” was automatically “weird” or “wrong.” I didn’t realize that what I was really seeing was myself through the lens of internalized ableism. I had learned to fear or correct my differences before I could ever understand them.
Now, I see myself more clearly. I process the world deeply. I notice patterns and connections that others often miss. I take in social, emotional, physical, political, and sensory information all at once, and it shapes how I move through the world. Call it neurodivergence. Call it ADHD. Call it autism. Call it trauma. I no longer try to pull them apart. What matters is that I can finally observe what is happening in my mind without shame.
Top-Down and Bottom-Up Processing
Over time, I’ve learned that some of what I experience can be explained by the difference between bottom-up and top-down processing styles. Researchers and writers such as Michelle Garnett, Tony Attwood, and Luke Beardon have explored how many autistic people process information in a bottom-up way. We build understanding from the ground up, starting with raw data, details, and sensory input. We form meaning through pattern recognition and careful observation. This often means we need a lot of context before we can feel confident in our conclusions. To me, this makes sense because I feel I’ve always had to actively construct an understanding of the world around me while it seemed others just seemed to “get” it.
Many neurotypical people tend to process the world from the top down. They start with general ideas or assumptions and fill in the blanks as they go. They can tolerate gaps in understanding because they trust that things will make sense later. For bottom-up processors like me, those gaps feel like loose wires that need connecting before the circuit can function.
This difference in processing can create misunderstandings. When I ask for more context or explore a topic in detail, it is not because I want to be difficult. It is because I am literally building understanding in real time. My brain is assembling a detailed map of how things connect. That is how I make meaning.
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What Deep Processing Feels Like
At any given moment, my brain is evaluating countless things at once: how I should behave to stay safe or connected, what the environment is communicating, how experiences relate to what is happening now, and what might happen next based on what I see. It is constant. I don’t decide to turn it on or off. It is simply how I exist.
Sometimes this level of awareness helps me see things others don’t, but it can also make life exhausting. When people misinterpret my silence, my words, or my reactions, I start processing that too. I analyze what they perceive, what it means, and how to move forward safely. Even a short interaction can feel like a marathon of thought.
The Parking Example
Take something as simple as parking a car. When I have an errand to complete and look for parking, I’m thinking about flow, access, and safety. I want everyone to have equal access to public space, and I’m aware of how one person’s choices affect the larger system. Then there are people who simply park anywhere they find space, even if that means blocking traffic or inconveniencing others. They’ll say they’re just looking to “run in quickly.” Maybe they are in a hurry. Maybe they simply don’t think about it. But that small decision often creates congestion and risk for others.
While they are thinking “car, space, done,” I am thinking about how every vehicle and pedestrian will move around that car for the next few minutes. That’s how my brain works. It’s not optional. It’s constant awareness. Simple errands can leave me drained because my brain never stops processing how to make things safer, smoother, and fairer for everyone.
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The Challenge of Everyday Tasks
This kind of bottom-up processing can bring real challenges to completing simple, everyday tasks like cleaning, organizing my day, cooking, or completing a work project. Starting a task can feel impossible when I see all the variables at once. Completing a task can take longer because I want to account for every detail. Sometimes I don’t even know when I’m finished, because there might be something I haven’t considered yet that could affect the outcome.
Over time, I’ve learned to redefine success. Instead of doing everything perfectly, I focus on leaving situations better than I found them. That goal helps me release the pressure of perfectionism while honoring my values of care and precision.
Getting to this point has taken time and a lot of unmasking. For years, I felt misunderstood, frustrated, and sometimes even mistreated without knowing why. It was traumatic to feel like I was “too much” or “too complicated” all the time. Now that I understand my processing style, I can name what’s happening, identify my pain points, and show myself compassion. That awareness alone has been healing.
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The Curious Question
Sometimes I wonder what people who don’t process like I do are doing with that extra space and energy in their minds. Are they using it to create something meaningful, to connect deeply with others, or to build empathy? Or are they using it to distract themselves with constant stimulation, to fill silence with noise, or to chase quick answers that keep them from sitting with uncertainty? I don’t mean this as an insult. I am genuinely curious.
For so long, I thought I was doing it wrong. I thought I was too intense, too aware, too much. The world around me seemed to reward quick conclusions and confidence built on partial understanding. People who processed from the top down appeared comfortable moving through uncertainty, filling in gaps as they went. I admired their ease and wondered why I couldn’t do the same.
But over time, I began to see how that difference in processing styles can create tension and even harm. As a bottom-up processor, I build understanding from the ground up. I need details, context, and evidence before I feel safe or confident. I do not assume; I connect. Yet this same depth that helps me see patterns and anticipate outcomes has often been seen as resistance, overthinking, or unnecessary complexity by those who prefer to move quickly and “figure it out later.”
Free unmasking resources on my website
If this post speaks to you, I invite you to visit my website where you can download free, practical guides designed to support your unmasking journey and deepen your understanding of neurodivergence. These resources are created with care for late-identified neurodivergent adults, their allies, and anyone seeking compassionate tools to live more authentically.
When top-down processors carry unacknowledged trauma or insecurities, my depth can trigger their discomfort. I have often been told I am overreacting, too sensitive, or difficult. I have been dismissed, silenced, or shamed for asking questions or needing clarity. In some cases, people in positions of authority, such as teachers, managers, healthcare providers, even friends and family, have responded with irritation or aggression, as if my way of understanding the world was a personal threat.
Those moments have been deeply painful. They left me feeling small, confused, and unsafe in relationships that were supposed to be supportive. Each encounter reinforced the belief that I needed to shrink, submit, or apologize for my mind. I internalized that message for years.
Now, I can name what is happening. I can recognize when I am being pushed into submission by someone who has not made peace with their own discomfort. I can step back, acknowledge my sadness, and seek safety without turning against myself. That safety rarely comes from others. It comes from recognizing that people who attack or shame my processing style are often carrying their own unhealed pain. They are the ones who must learn to expand their tolerance for difference, not me.
I no longer see my deep processing as a flaw. It is simply a different way of building understanding. When I honor it, I protect my energy, preserve my compassion, and stay aligned with who I am rather than who others want me to be. Maybe I was never the problem. Maybe the world just isn’t built for this level of attention, but that doesn’t mean it can’t learn from it.
Unmasking, Finding Community, and Self-Acceptance
Unmasking means learning to see my own mind with honesty and compassion. It means recognizing that the traits I once hid out of shame are the same ones that help me understand the world in complex, meaningful ways. I don’t have to change who I am to fit in. I can notice what I notice, process what I process, and rest when my mind needs rest. Maybe it isn’t about doing it “right” or “wrong.” Maybe it’s about acknowledging that there are many ways of being, and mine deserves space too.
Unmasking isn’t about forcing ourselves to be “authentic” all at once. It’s about learning to notice our minds with curiosity instead of criticism. When we stop labeling our natural ways of thinking as wrong, we begin to release shame and recover the energy that masking once required. This is the work of Acceptance and Commitment Coaching. We learn to make space for our experiences, unhook from self-judgment, and turn awareness into aligned, compassionate action. In SAFE Unmasking™, this begins with self-awareness, the foundation for authenticity and long-term well-being.
Another part of this process is finding community. Unmasking may begin within, but it cannot stay there. We live and heal in relation to others. Allies play a vital role in this work because unmasking so often involves how we interact with the world outside ourselves. Finding even one person you can talk to, someone who acknowledges your experiences and offers understanding instead of correction, can make a profound difference. Support and validation from others make it safer to stay true to ourselves.
If you recognize yourself in this kind of deep, bottom-up processing, you might explore the following reflections. They can be used in therapy, coaching, group discussions, journaling, or quiet self-inquiry.
• When do I feel pressure to hide or downplay how I naturally think and process?
• What emotions come up when I notice my differences without judgment?
• How can I create more safety to observe myself honestly and kindly?
• What values guide how I want to show up when I am unmasked?
• How can I shift from trying to be “right” to focusing on what feels aligned and compassionate?
You can revisit these questions whenever you feel the pull to mask or self-correct. They are not about finding a perfect answer but about building awareness, community, and self-compassion. Unmasking begins when we allow ourselves to see clearly and stay present with what we notice. The more we practice acceptance, mindfulness, and aligned action, the more we create space for our authentic selves to emerge.
Maybe it was never about fixing ourselves. Maybe it was about seeing our wholeness, even when the world doesn’t reflect it back yet. When we begin with patience and self-compassion, we create space to find the people who will meet us there with care and understanding.