For me, birthdays have often been times when masking feels especially intense. Turning 50 made that even clearer. I spent months reflecting on what this milestone meant, how people expected me to celebrate, and how much time and energy I’ve spent over the years trying to meet those expectations instead of honoring what I actually need.
This has been educating. Your parties were so good that never ocurred to me that it was part of masking. Makes me wonder about other people's wishes for similar occasions. Happy birthday, anyway. You are loved with or without parties. I guess been confortable in your own skin is always a big milestone. Loved the spanish meme, btw.
I feel so much of this. My friends growing up were often those who's families didn't have money for giving gifts, and I was perfectly fine with that. I prefer to give than to receive, because receiving came with pressure. I love to give gifts that are carefully curated for the recipient. I love giving homemade gifts because to me it means more. I plan my own birthdays, and have for years, because I'd rather do what I want than what someone else thinks I should.
I used to host for the holidays and I loved it at the same time I hated it. I did it because I didn't want to have to run around or choose which family I saw for the holiday. It was exhausting and would take me days to recover from.
Giving and receiving is so much more nuanced and complicated than we realize- including how and where it happens and on whose terms. Thanks for your support friend! I value it.
This has been educating. Your parties were so good that never ocurred to me that it was part of masking. Makes me wonder about other people's wishes for similar occasions. Happy birthday, anyway. You are loved with or without parties. I guess been confortable in your own skin is always a big milestone. Loved the spanish meme, btw.
Oh I really appreciate this! I’ll take that love and offer some back. Hugs!
I feel so much of this. My friends growing up were often those who's families didn't have money for giving gifts, and I was perfectly fine with that. I prefer to give than to receive, because receiving came with pressure. I love to give gifts that are carefully curated for the recipient. I love giving homemade gifts because to me it means more. I plan my own birthdays, and have for years, because I'd rather do what I want than what someone else thinks I should.
I used to host for the holidays and I loved it at the same time I hated it. I did it because I didn't want to have to run around or choose which family I saw for the holiday. It was exhausting and would take me days to recover from.
Giving and receiving is so much more nuanced and complicated than we realize- including how and where it happens and on whose terms. Thanks for your support friend! I value it.
Really enjoy the thoroughness and practicality of your words, Mark--you give me tangible things I can hold onto.